


Dragonfly

by fairyplumprincess



Series: Sweet Sinner [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Tension, Background Dr. Emile Picani, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Background Relationships, But he's there - Freeform, Child Death, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Drowning, Emile and Patton kind of look like assholes, Grief/Mourning, I don't really discuss the trans character much in this installment, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Boyfriend, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders & Dr. Emile Picani Are Siblings, Sibling Love, Suicide Notes, Therapist Dr. Emile Picani, Trans Male Character, accidental misgendering, deadnaming, graveyards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24749101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyplumprincess/pseuds/fairyplumprincess
Summary: Dragonflies represent peace, good luck, purity. That's why Roman dubbed his little sister "his dragonfly" - his siblings were the best part of home.Now, every time he goes home, he passes by the bathroom he found her lifeless body in.He fucked up with his brother recently, and he knows that, but he can't lose them both - he can't. He needs to make things right.But right now, he just needs somebody.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani
Series: Sweet Sinner [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694095
Comments: 7
Kudos: 94





	Dragonfly

**Author's Note:**

> Right off the bat: there's a child suicide (14 year old) and this is discussion about grief, death, and mourning so if that makes you uncomfortable or triggered, PLEASE do not read. It does get a bit graphic

“Hey Remus, it’s me...Roman. Obviously, you have my number saved. Heh heh, sorry. I know you don’t want to hear from me unless it’s about our students, I wouldn’t either. I just,” a shaky breath vibrated over the speaker, “It’s that time of year again, you know. Mom and Dad said that I can go on my own and, trust me, I know this is selfish, but I don’t want to be alone.”

A tearful laugh came through, Roman clearly kicking himself for sounding so weak, “Not yet, at least. I don’t know if you were planning on not visiting her, but Reina deserves to have her brothers there. Maybe we can choose a time to go together — or you can tell me a time to not be there so you don’t have to see me! That’s cool too, I guess. If I just have my siblings in spirit...”

Remus felt sick to his stomach. _Fuck._

-

Roman placed the glass sculpture next to the fresh white roses he placed the other day. “I know you always hated that nickname, but I couldn’t resist.”

Roman bit his lip, pausing as if he was expecting a response.

He wasn’t.

He was looking at a gravestone of his little sister who should be 18 about now. A little sister who should be one of his students, or helping with ticket sales and concessions because he forced her to in good fun.

A kid who should be crying tears of joy as they made it into their top college. A kid who would’ve been the most beautiful at prom, her natural beauty and some glam done by her brothers ensuring prom queen.

Someone who deserved to go to parties and have her heart broken and to have her brothers pick up the pieces and threaten the guy (or girl) that caused their little princess to cry.

Roman’s phone background is still of their last Thanksgiving — matching the table set up in their orange, green, and red.

Their father said he should’ve put the one where they posed nicely, but the Live Photo of Remus and Reina laughing as the attacked Roman’s face with handfuls of cheesecake that they had sneakily hidden behind their backs was too precious, too real, too heartbreaking to not hold in his hands. No one had even noticed that a desert had a massive hole in the middle until it was on Roman’s face.

_How awful can a person be?_ Looking at pictures, Roman noticed exactly _how_ dull Reina’s eyes were. How her smile no longer reached her eyes. How her dimples barely showed anymore.

Remus, in the other hand, was the opposite. Since he left Patton, he’d looked impossibly happier. It wasn’t just the trips and the clothes from some benefactor - Remus looked like a version of himself Roman realized he never saw, but it only proved to him how null his brother was their whole lives.

Now? Roman is alone. He wasn’t there for his sister, just an hour or so too late by the time he had gotten home from class.

Not even in her final moments did she attempt to call Roman. Her suicide note was general, directed at their whole family. The closest she got to even mentioning Roman was when she referred to her brothers as a unit.

Roman felt the pit grow in his stomach every time he reread it, wondering how was it that she felt so alienated from him that her leaving him wouldn’t be _personal_ \- and that pit only deepened when he realized that it was selfishness like that, taking someone else’s suicide personally, that probably got her into that tub where the water was cold by the time he opened the door.

Roman was openly weeping in front of his little sister’s grave. He pushed both of his siblings away from him — at least he could understand what he did wrong when it came to Remus, and Remus was still alive so there was a chance he’ll forgive him one day.

It wasn’t supposed to be like _this_ , he swears it wasn’t. He and Patton were hanging out, planning the best one year anniversary dinner that Remus could’ve hoped for. Roman only wanted to see his brother happy, daydreaming that maybe Remus would help his future boyfriend with something similar too.

Patton had asked, and Roman admitted that he never heard Remus say anything about being interested in sex.

That’s all it was.

Then Roman went on ramblings about how Remus’s favorite foods changed all the time growing up, and because he couldn’t pick as a kid, he would eat multiple kinds of dishes at once to see what combination would be his favorite and _that’s_ the reason why he couldn’t pick one.

Roman could talk about his family for hours, but the conversation went a whole new direction.

Somehow, the conversation about combinations and not being able to choose ended up with Roman half on Patton’s lap, wrapping his arms around him like he’d fall apart if he didn’t hold the older man together.

Roman wishes he could say he told Patton to stop, or that he didn’t enjoy it, or that he forgot about his brother and didn’t think about how it would affect him until later — but all of that’s a lie. Not like he needed he needed to add the sin of lying on top of his greed and lust.

What was worse was continuing on with their scandal — he wasn’t exactly sure when or how, but it was a silent agreement that he’d be Patton’s Remus-away-from-Remus. He would refuse to call Roman by his name when they were in each other’s arms unless Roman asked. It was always pet names, if anything.

There was a point where he had called out Remus’s name while he was in Roman. Despite knowing what he was doing was wrong, or how Patton belonged to someone else, or how it was _his brother’s_ boyfriend, Roman was still upset. Even going as far as walking out in a random pair of sweatpants, which happened to be his brother’s, just to walk out on Patton — and then the job opportunity for both brothers came within a week.

Roman knew how excited Remus was to be working with him, and while it helped his own career more than it did for his brother’s, Roman only said yes because he knew Remus would ask questions if he said no. It made Roman sick because Patton probably only fought to have them as directors because he needed to cover up their tracks — but apparently not sick enough since he was in Patton’s bed not even a month later.

“I’ve really fucked up, Rei. And I don’t think I know how to fix it, even if there was a way to,”—Roman gasped out through shaky breaths, —“and there’s no way to not make it worse, you know? I’ve lost my favorite people. I lost Remus by being selfish and hurting him in the worst way and I lost you by...being too selfish to be there for you. Because I was too focused on what I was doing to notice how much you were hurting?”

Remus and Logan was behind Roman now, but he hadn’t heard them. Not much could penetrate the sound of his screams as he pulled Reina out of the water, trying dial 911 and check for a pulse with shaky hands ~ the memory swirling and bubbling over. _How long will he ruin everything around him because he’s so focused **on** him?_

“I guess I should stop being selfish and give you some alone time, my dragonfly. Remus’ll be here soon! He won’t leave you lonely like I did. I don’t think I’ll ever say it enough, but I love you. I’m sorry.” Roman stood up to leave, grabbing the glass dragonfly to place a kiss on it before setting it down again. Roman sighed deeply, which turned into a quick gasp as arms threw themselves around him.

“It wasn’t your fault, you idiot.” _Damn it._

“Re? I was just leaving so you—“ Roman stammered out before Remus used his weight and his hold against him to sit on the ground.

“I don’t want you to be alone either.” Remus grumbled, face still buried in Roman’s denim jacket. Roman turned around a bit, meeting eyes with Logan, holding an expression he couldn’t place.

“Dragonfly?” Logan wasn’t sure how to engage in conversation without stepping over a boundary. What do you say when you’re meeting your ~~boyfriend’s~~ sugar baby’s siblings for the first time when one of them is dead and the other ( ~~who just did something _awful_ to them~~) apparently calls their little sister the same nickname you call—

“Dragonfly means peace, good luck, and purity,” Roman cut off Logan’s train of thought, “Reina was always my good luck charm.”

“What’s inside the glass?” Logan asked after he sat down in front of the brothers, closer to the grave. A child’s grave was _not_ what he was expecting when Remus said they needed to visit somebody.

“It’s a replica of bracelet she made me when she was in 3rd grade after she had gotten me in trouble. I would’ve never told her, but I always have it with me during auditions.” Roman admitted, pulling the real version out of his pant pocket. “The one in the glass says her name instead of mine, though.”

“She was the cutest little sister we could hope for, wasn’t she?” Remus had moved so his head was resting on Roman, making it easier to breathe.

“The best.” Roman whispered, trying not to cry again.

“That must’ve been very hard for you two.” Logan looked at the dates on the headstone. The dates were 14 years, 3 months, and 15 days apart; the later date set exactly 4 years ago. “Losing someone that young.”

“Did you?” Roman asked, before realizing what he said. “I’m sorry, that was personal. We haven’t even introduced ourselves yet — I’m Roman Reyes, Remus’s twin brother.”

“I collected,” Logan held his hand out for the identical counterpart, “I’m Logan Barrie, Remus’s…”

_What do I even say? Seems disrespectful to say sugar daddy or fuck buddy next to a grave, right?_

Roman looked Logan up and down before turning to Remus. Upon closer inspection, he noticed how much nicer Remus’s clothes were.

The tailored tweet jacket; the green and red Gucci stripe that led to the collar of his button up; the chain around his neck that sparkled in the _right_ way, not rhinestone way — Roman couldn’t help but laugh as he took Logan’s hand. “Thank you for taking care of him.” Roman said to Logan, pasting his kindest smile.

Then, turning to Remus, he said, “Looks like you’ve picked a good one.”

He wanted to say so much more in that moment, like:

_ How long? _

_ Are you happy? _

_ Are you **happier**? _

_ Is he the one or just the one paying the bills? _

_ Are you content enough with him to maybe think about forgiving me, for real? _

_ Do you talk about me? _

_ Do you hate me like you should? _

_ Do you **both** hate me like you should? _

_ Are you going to bring him home or do you not want to infect him with our presence — and this was just a mistake that worked out in my favor? _

_ Would Reina have liked him? _

_ Would you stay with me? Just a little while longer? I don’t want to let you go yet. _

_ Would you miss me if I joined Reina? _

The trio heard car doors open and shut, but didn’t think much of them.

Until they heard

“Remus?” “Logan?”

Logan’s eyes widened as all three turned around to face the owners of the voices.

There stood two exes, stepbrothers Patton Hart and Emile Picani, holding bouquets to place on Reina’s grave.

“What are you doing here?” Emile asked as they walked towards the three, all too shocked to move.

“Being there for a friend and their family. What are _you_ doing here?” Logan spat, suddenly angry all over again at his college ex-boyfriend.

“Visiting an old patient,”—Emile stared, walking over to place his bouquet, —“I always try to see them on their birthdays or anniversaries if I don’t have another appointment.”

“And you?” Remus asked, watching Patton who was a few steps behind.

“I never got to meet Reina, but it felt wrong to not come bring her flowers simply because we’re not together,” Patton admitted, shifting to hold his flowers more securely, “I also suspected I would find Roman here.”

“And why do you care?” Roman was sure he meant for more venom in his tone, but it came out small and pathetic. _God, Roman, why are you acting like a victim? You’re the villain here!_

“Just paying my respects,” Patton placed a comforting hand on Roman’s shoulder as he leaned forwards to place his bouquet down, “And I wanted to make sure you were okay and cared for. You have these two here with you, so I know you are.”

Patton and Emile said a quiet prayer over Reina, leaving the three still uncomfortable but with a sense of ease that the child was still remembered beyond them.

The brothers went their way after a kind farewell, Patton pausing before he stepped into the car.

Remus didn’t look back at him, but Roman did. Patton felt his heart strings pull at how broken Roman looked in that split second, almost as if he wanted to ask Patton to stay but didn’t want to be greedy or make the other two go away. ~~As if that’s something he’ll want, anyways.~~ But that’s a conversation for another day — or perhaps never.

“How long were you here before us?” Remus asked, moving the bouquets so they stood up.

“I got here around 11. What time is it?” Roman shrugged, studying the array of colors of the flowers. Bright reds, yellows, and oranges on green stems. When his vision went blurry with tears again, it almost looked like they were all together.

“It’s almost 4.” Logan offered, pulling some grass out of the ground.

“How about we go to Jay Harper’s Diner, hm?” Remus supplier, nudging Roman. “Reina’s favorite?”

“You want to hang out with me?” Roman whispered, as if he was imagining what Remus was saying and responding out loud would make the daydream fall away.

“Of course, Roman. We don’t have to talk about everything, but I need my brother by my side — whether we like it or not.” Remus wiggled, trying to alert Roman that his leg was falling asleep under him.

To which Roman ignored, twisting himself to throw his arms around his brother, face buried into his neck as he shuddered and cried. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Logan smiled sadly at how Remus held onto his brother. As angry as Remus should’ve understandably been angry at his brother, he never was. Hurt, yes, but Remus didn’t hate Roman.

Remus held onto his brother as if Roman did nothing wrong, and it made Logan look even more forward to spending the rest of his life with him if he so desired.

Roman finally let up, pulling tissues out of his pocket and handing some to Remus. “I’m sorry about that too.”

“Apologize one more time, I’m going to skin you alive.” Remus started simply as he wiped Roman’s tears and snot from his neck. “We have to show Logan how amazing disco nachos are.”

“You and Reina are so weird.” Roman whimpered through a small giggle, thinking about how Reina indulged Remus’s quest for the “his ultimate favorite food” by throwing disco fries on top of spicy nachos, much to Roman’s disgust and Reina’s fun.

“Disco nachos?” Logan asked as he helped both twins up.

“Logan, you don’t understand — it’s so _gross_ —“

“Get fucked and get some taste, you’re just mad that you’re latin and can’t handle spice—“

“Good thing we’re in a graveyard because you’re so dead, Remus!”


End file.
